Real talk.

Real talk.

It happens ALL OF THE TIME.

"Have we met? I feel like I’ve seen you before."

"I wasn’t passed out naked in an alley, asshole bleedin’ on a Sunday morning…was I?"

"No…"

"Oh. ‘Cause…’cause that’ll happen…"

I learned it from watching you, okay? I learned it from watching you!

I learned it from watching you, okay? I learned it from watching you!

When Married Couples Get Smashed At The Bar

"I mean, when we’re having sex, I’m usually like, ‘Shit, honey, I didn’t know you were awake.’"

Ha. That’s awesome.

"He’s…he’s not joking. At all."

This is Gordon. He hasn’t rubbed his junk against anyone’s ankle recently, which pretty much makes him the best bar dog ever.

This is Gordon. He hasn’t rubbed his junk against anyone’s ankle recently, which pretty much makes him the best bar dog ever.

"I made a new sign."

"Don’t put this one on the internet."
"…"
"Oh, goddamnit."